Your Self-Respect Has To Be Stronger Than Your Feelings: What I Learned From My Abuse

Important self-realizations

I mean it when I say your self-respect has to be stronger than your feelings. Feelings blur your whole image of self when you’re lost in the confusion of trauma. An important lesson I realized in my own recovery was that my level of self-respect was at stake every time I allowed my own happiness to be set aside for the well-being of my abuser.

When I allowed others to take advantage of me, belittle me, ignore me, and be cruel to me, I was not choosing my own happiness. I was trying to make that other person happy. I was trying to compromise, be a good person, and help the other person feel happiness and peace. I thought I had control. I was codependent. And it basically showed my abuser that it was okay to mistreat me and to use me as their personal punching bag.

As a young child, I was groomed by some adults in my life to believe that love means that I must be loyal to people who would rather harm me physically, sexually, emotionally, and verbally than to protect me and have compassion for me. I did not know how to have healthy boundaries and move away from cruelty. In fact, back then, I could not move away because I was a child!

I learned that love means that I have to martyr myself.

I learned that silent treatment, passive-aggressivity, and poor communication were the norm and that when I reacted in anger or sadness to being treated this way, I was actually considered by my abuser to be overreactive and crazy or too much. This fed my belief that I was to blame for my abuse and that I was not good enough. I believed that I was the CAUSE of their anger and abuse, which created guilt and shame within me and made me want to try harder to make them happy again.

I was taught that it was my duty to love everyone unconditionally, no matter how they treated me.

I fought hard and tried to make abusive people like this love me for a VERY long time. I tried not to be too emotional and to be instead logical and fight against the mistreatment rather than cry and be vulnerable. (Being vulnerable made the abuser laugh at me, belittle me, or become violent.) I tried to be perfect, too. I learned to be controlling and to make everyone see me as doing things the “right” way.

Later, as I loved myself more, I learned that nothing I did changed the people who were hurting inside so deeply that they NEEDED someone like me to use as their scapegoat.

• I also learned that people would treat you exactly how you treat yourself—for better or for worse—and they will not stop and self-correct if you enable them to keep harming you.

• If you walk away, they MIGHT change. But by then, who cares anyway?

• I learned that choosing myself and my self-respect and walking away with my head held high and my dignity is all I have control over. And that is enough.

• I learned that unconditional love for others could happen, but not until I have it for myself first.

So, where is your self-respect in all areas of your life?

So yeah, your self-respect has to be stronger than your feelings.

Through personal experience and insights, I’ve seen how prioritizing self-respect over emotions can help individuals navigate difficult situations and overcome trauma. It’s tough but worth it!

Developing a strong sense of self-worth is crucial for mental and emotional well-being. It allows us to set healthy boundaries, make decisions that align with our values, and build fulfilling relationships. When we prioritize our self-respect over fleeting emotions, we empower ourselves to make choices that benefit us in the long run rather than simply reacting to momentary feelings.

It's important to note that prioritizing self-respect does not mean ignoring or suppressing our emotions. Rather, it means recognizing and validating our emotions, acknowledging our inherent worth, and treating ourselves with compassion and respect. This can be challenging, especially when we're experiencing intense emotions, but it is a necessary step towards healing and personal growth.

In situations of abuse or trauma, prioritizing self-respect is especially important! Abuse can strip you of your sense of self-worth and make you feel totally powerless. By prioritizing personal safety and well-being, many survivors can regain a sense of agency and work toward healing and recovery.

It's worth noting also that prioritizing self-respect is not always easy and may require practice and support. It can be helpful to seek out coaching, therapy, support groups, or other resources to aid in the healing process. Additionally, incorporating self-care practices into daily life, such as meditation, exercise, or spending time in nature, can help cultivate a stronger sense of self-worth.

In a society that often values productivity and achievement over personal well-being, it can be easy to lose sight of our own inherent worth. However, prioritizing self-respect over fleeting emotions can create a foundation for a fulfilling and meaningful life!

So here we are! We have explored the idea that your self-respect must be stronger than your feelings. Prioritizing self-respect over emotions is a powerful tool for navigating life's challenges, overcoming trauma, and cultivating a fulfilling life. It requires recognizing our inherent worth and treating ourselves with compassion and respect. While it may require practice and support, prioritizing self-respect can lead to a more fulfilling and meaningful life.