Energy Vampires in Relationships: Rediscovering Self and Healing from Toxic Dynamics
Identifying Energy Vampires In Relationships
Energy vampires in relationships can drain our vitality, leaving us feeling depleted and disconnected. It is crucial to recognize the signs of these toxic dynamics, such as constant negativity, emotional manipulation, and one-sided energy exchange, in order to protect our well-being and reclaim our positive energy. Identifying energy vampires in relationships is crucial for maintaining our emotional well-being and protecting ourselves from toxic dynamics. Here is an overview of key signs and behaviors that can help identify energy vampires:
Emotional Draining: Energy vampires often leave us feeling emotionally exhausted and depleted after spending time with them. They constantly seek validation, attention, and emotional support from others while offering little in return. They may exhibit excessive negativity, constant complaining, or a constant need for drama.
Manipulation and Control: Energy vampires may employ manipulative tactics to control and dominate the relationship. They often use guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or emotional blackmail to manipulate others and maintain power over them. They may make you feel responsible for your emotions or choices, leaving you drained and unsure of your own needs.
Lack of Reciprocity: Energy vampires typically have a one-sided approach to relationships. They tend to take more than they give and rarely offer genuine support or reciprocate acts of kindness. They may consistently prioritize their own needs and dismiss or devalue the needs and feelings of others.
Boundary Violations: Energy vampires often disregard personal boundaries and overstep limits. They may invade your privacy, ignore your requests for space or time alone, or consistently push your boundaries without regard for your well-being. This can leave you feeling overwhelmed, invaded, and emotionally drained.
Constant Need for Attention: Energy vampires crave constant attention and validation. They may seek excessive praise, admiration, and reassurance from others to bolster their own self-esteem. They may become demanding or resentful if they feel they are not the center of attention, leading to a draining and unbalanced dynamic.
Lack of Empathy: Energy vampires often lack genuine empathy or concern for others. They may be self-absorbed and dismissive of your emotions or struggles, showing little interest in your well-being. Their focus is primarily on their own needs and desires, leaving them feeling unheard and unvalued.
Recognizing these signs can help us identify energy vampires in our relationships. Trusting our instincts, setting and enforcing healthy boundaries, and prioritizing our well-being are essential. By distancing ourselves from energy vampires and cultivating nourishing, respectful, and balanced relationships, we can create a healthier and more fulfilling social environment.
They Fill Our Voids & Then They Disappear
When we fall in love with someone who is not whole and complete in themselves and who needs constant supplies of energy like sex, adoration, attention, control, or whatever their particular “need” is that they did not get earlier in life, our own voids (needs) get filled too. When we are attracted to someone who fills us up in this way, it is because we did not get our needs met at an earlier stage of life. This is especially true if we were abused, abandoned, shamed, or neglected as children. This unhealthy attraction creates an addictive, intoxicating cocktail of infatuation and enmeshment that is not true love. True love is based on each of us filling our voids FIRST. True love is not addictive and intense love. In fact, true love is calm and neutral.
The love-bombing phase of a narcissistically abusive/codependent relationship is quite exciting. It makes us feel high in life, important, loved, accepted, attractive, respected, and wanted. We finally feel like we’ve met “the one” and that all of our fantasies of being rescued by the knight in shining armor have been fulfilled. We might feel safe, smart, good enough, sexy, adored, seen, and understood as we have never been before. This is so thrilling and fun! We get a bit (or a lot!) addicted to feeling like we are finally whole and complete. At least at first. Unfortunately, this is all an illusion. Sorry to burst that love-bombing bubble, but this cannot last. Eventually, the person who is filling your void devalues or discards you in some way. They get bored or need more supply from other (more exciting or adoring) sources to feed their continual need for emotional energy. They were using you, not loving you. They made you feel great, so you would make THEM feel good enough.
It cannot last because no one is here to “complete” you. Furthermore, it is no one’s JOB to do your inner work for you either. No one can sustain holding you up emotionally and mentally every single day of your life. And that is very unfair to ask of them anyway, if you think about it. The cool news is that you are your own whole soul who gets to remember that you are already at home within yourself. You already have everything inside of you that you believe the other person is giving you. Like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz eventually realizes, “There’s no place like home.” She travels far and wide in search of others (external sources) to give her what she already has within. She is left feeling disillusioned, scared, and alone and suddenly remembers that she is already at home within herself and can resource love from herself! She already has intelligence, love, and courage within. How wonderful to know that we have control over our happiness, peace, and joy!
I am not suggesting that this is an easy task, but it is the ONLY actual task that matters while navigating this planet we have resided on for less than 100 years. This might sound extreme to say it is the only task that matters, but when you think about it, isn’t it? I mean, loving yourself and knowing your worth, confidence, and brilliance at a foundational level can only create sovereignty, calmness, confidence, abundance, creativity, passion, smarter choices, and love for others. In other words, this foundation is what creates your best life. Making tons of money, finding the perfect porn star-looking partner, and being thin and porn star-looking yourself will not make you happy. This is only temporary void-filling at best. Being authentically you and in love with yourself in THIS MOMENT, and from the inside, will make you happy, calm, and peace-filled. From this place, your best life can come to fruition on the outside.
Being in a relationship with an energy vampire can lead to a loss of personal power and a diminished sense of self. Establishing and enforcing boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and surrounding ourselves with positive influences is essential to break free from the energy-draining cycle and restore harmony to our relationships.
On the other hand, using people to fill us up is unhealthy for them, and it’s not good for us. We have to find others to make us feel okay about ourselves continually. And think about it: When people “make” us feel worthy one minute and then “make” us feel unworthy the next, we give our power away to external forces to make or break us. Wouldn’t it be better just to be able to know we are worthy of ourselves any time we want to instead of relying on others’ whims or moods to do so for us?
Using people for our own self-worth is selfish and disrespectful as well. It is taking advantage of people. This is harming them in body, mind, and soul. Taking energy from people, even if they allow it, creates stress and disease in them. It harms their mental and emotional states and can cause long-term, chronic stress-related health problems. And feeling empty and disconnected from ourselves because we can’t source our love is very painful, lonely, and unhealthy for us. We dive deeply into self-loathing, self-doubt, insecurity, feeling unsafe, being afraid, and all kinds of negative feelings and thoughts that are not at all true about any of us.
When you are attracted to someone who makes you feel high and amazing, you are given the opportunity to look at how they are mirroring your greatness, which is already within you.
Release Yourself & Source Self-Love
Learning to release these blocks to self-love is the way to come home to the truth of your inherent worthiness, your inner beauty, courage confidence, and creativity. Loving yourself should be the FOUNDATION of your life. It is a jumping-off point that deeply connects you with your inner being, which is love and peace. You can use centered action to create and manifest the life you truly want, desire, and deserve. When you love yourself for yourself, you connect with others who feel the same way about themselves. In this space of wholeness and self-love, there is no hostility, competition, anger, or jealousy, which means your closest soul family gets to hang with you daily. You get to BE and love each other in the light of truth, emotional freedom, from your true and authentic self—no energy taking required! As you might be able to imagine, this is a neutral and peaceful state, not a taking, arrogant, or selfish state as people often mistake it for.
So, once you have been discarded and devalued by the energy-vamping narcissists in your life, be grateful even while feeling the pain. They filled you up, and then they took it all away. And this is your moment to look at what made you feel so high and then so low again. The highs are your true soul nature. Get those things for yourself that you thought they gave to you!
Healing from the effects of energy vampires in relationships involves self-reflection, inner work, and a commitment to personal growth. By recognizing our worth, setting healthy boundaries, and fostering self-love, we can replenish our energy, rebuild our confidence, and attract nourishing, balanced, and supportive relationships.
If you need help with sourcing your own self-love, please schedule a discovery call with me.
