Your Beliefs About Yourself and Your Life Are What Show Up in Your Life
Changing your state of being is the key to lasting change.
People often get it turned around and think that positive thinking will change things. They are really disappointed when all of their "positive thoughts" don't manifest into wealth, health, or love. It's not that the positive thoughts don't count; they do. But, the real way to make things change is by believing first. Then your feelings change inside yourself and your thoughts are then better as a result. We want to achieve a feeling state inside ourselves that leads to a better reality and our beliefs carry this kind of emotional energy. Our thoughts contribute to this only when we create emotional energy around them and once we do that, we are BELIEVING the thoughts. So, those thoughts have really then become beliefs. For example, right now, you might be believing unconsciously that "I deserve bad things." Your feeling state around that is likely depression, defeat, or some kind of negativity, right? So, then how do we change our beliefs? It's not so easy to change a belief of "I deserve bad things" or "I don't matter" for good because our conscious mind (the part of the mind that we are aware of and that wants us to be happy and operates from logic) will argue with us that we do matter. And, of course, we DO matter! There is no doubt about it.
But the issue is that the real belief that “I don't matter” is lodged in our subconscious mind (it's unconscious in other words) and has been stewing there for decades. It was created as a result of messages you got as a very young child who did not have the tools, the language, or the logical mind development to not take things to heart when something was said, done, or even only witnessed by your little self. Often, shame comes into to “protect” you from further abuse or trauma and an inner critic is formed that wants to keep you safe. It does this by shaming you even more into compliance and “proper” behavior by suggesting that you need to do more, do less, or be better in some way so that you won’t be abused, neglected, rejected, or abandoned again. You get the message loud and clear that to do wrong means that you will be ignored, that you don’t deserve good things, or that you don’t matter. Even though you don’t have a developed logical brain at younger ages, you certainly do have a survival brain and it can detect when it needs to shape up or shut up in order not to die. Yes, this part of the brain does think in black and white and life and death only—no gray areas. So, it “helps” you create messages (lies, really) that are devastating as we grow up but that kept us safe as children.
Having been tucked into our subconscious mind since… I don’t know…the womb, maybe…or from birth or any time really between ages zero to five when our brains were soaking things up very well, there is a lot of feeling or emotional energy around these beliefs. Messages (whether verbalized or just from the attitude or energy in the home) such as: “This is a fork,” “Your name is Kristen,” “You are the worst child I have ever seen,” or “Why can’t you be good like your brother?” were all truth to your primal mind. You trusted your caregivers to teach you, to love you, to have your best interests at heart, to not lie to you, and to keep you alive so if they said the sky was black, you would believe them. You had to in order to survive and you had no way to think that perhaps they were wrong. Your logical mind was not formed yet. Given this, is there any wonder why there is a lot of stored-up emotional energy around your beliefs?
In fact, our beliefs have so much energy around them that they come out in our lives as "proof" that we don't matter, that we deserve bad things, or that we are unlovable or unworthy. There is also proof that we are amazing, beautiful, good enough, too, if that was what we were exposed to as children. It can be a combination of both as well. For example, when we are ghosted by someone, we can't have lasting love, or when we are not seen at work as valuable, we come to believe that we don't matter or don't deserve good things because we keep SEEING it happen in our lives. Ahhh!! Sure, we can logically think, “Well, it’s the other person’s issue that they ghost us,” or '“My boss doesn’t know a good worker when he sees one,” and this is quite true! But, when we have a competing belief of “I don’t matter” tucked down in that subconscious and it is the part of us that is really driving the bus that is our lives, we often can’t help but take it personally when someone ignores us or our boss looks past us for that promotion.
Not realizing that we even have this sabotaging belief inside us surely makes us think that we are a victim of our circumstances. And this makes sense because we believe what we see. We look at our reality and think that it is true. And, for all intents and purposes, it is true. It is the reflection of our inner beliefs made manifest—made into real, dense substance in our external world. But it can always be changed. And in fact, can you actually touch “I don’t matter”? A book can be touched, but can a concept be touched? How real is it, actually? If it is not tangible, then there is room to believe that it can be modified or changed, right? We believe that we must not be worth much if someone has chosen to ghost us or ignore us for no apparent reason. We believe that we MUST have done something wrong. We believe that we must not matter at all. It is hard to know that we actually have a lot of power and control to make good things happen in our lives when we see this “evidence” right before our eyes that we suck rocks and that we don’t matter or are unlovable. Right?
Well, no. It’s not right and that is the good news! You can permanently change those beliefs and start seeing different proof in your life circumstances that you actually DO matter. These are simply our hidden beliefs manifesting or being reflected out into the world--for good or bad. We get to choose. Besides, if someone has to ignore or ghost you and you choose to change your hidden beliefs and know fully that you are lovable and worthy, you will come to realize that anyone who has to ghost you has a lot of their own worthiness work to do to even be a part of your precious life and your inherently beautiful essence. You will detach from outcome with those people and walk away from anyone who can’t treat you with respect and decency. So, all of this work has a lot of powerful potential for you.
You might be asking, “How can I choose better?” This is where I come in and help you quickly find those beliefs and change them. That is my secret sauce and it's why my clients transform their lives in a matter of weeks or months instead of years on end. I help you align your subconscious beliefs with your conscious beliefs so that you know full well what your truest desires and intentions actually are and so you are driving your own life bus. Lasting transformation, in my mind, can and usually is very fast and I think it should be that way. My gift is that I get my clients straight to the root of what the issue is, where it started in their lives, and then we just switch it all around. You don't need these false beliefs anymore. Everyone is allowed to be and DESERVES to be happy and emotionally free. And helping my clients get their issues solved quickly is good for them. No one has a lot of time to spend on years of looping. When you need to loop around, you do so. It's part of the process of healing, for sure. When you are done with that and want to get off your own hamster wheel, then I say let's just get in and get out with it. And let me tell you, being on the hamster wheel is what all of us do until we decide not to anymore. It’s all okay and quite normal. My clients are the ones who are ready for change. This is why it happens so quickly for them. They see their own part in their life struggles and know it is time to heal.
Recovering from trauma, abusive patterning, codependency, people pleasing, weight, body image issues, struggles with compulsive eating, smoking, and other addictions, limiting beliefs, health, money, confidence, and so much more can be done very effectively, and believe me, much more quickly than you might think. Like I said, after you have gone around and around on the roller coaster of analyzing your past pain and once you are done with the self-sabotaging behaviors that come as a way of protecting you from your own shame and trauma, childhood wounding, grown-up stressors or, more accurately, that a very primal yet computer-like part of your brain deems life or death if you don’t continue doing, you make a decision to change. Once you are there, you are mostly THERE. The human mind is so powerful that once it decides to do something, it does it. In fact, your life as it stands right now is a result of what your mind is deciding about you now.
Your beliefs that your mind created many years ago is informing your present life situation. Your beliefs also created your identity and often, due to traumatic early life situations, we created an inauthentic or a false identity that we have been living with. This is like a false mask that we wear to protect ourselves from more trauma—such as rejection from other people or abandonment. We are often operating from the level of the child or the age at which we got these messages—whether they were good ones or not. Also, addictions are ways (or methods really) our minds and bodies choose to protect us from further pain, so getting to where these parts of you are operating from, helping you form a relationship with your inner self (internal family system), and really helping you become more self-led (more authentic and confident like you were before you were traumatized), can change a lot with your addictive patterns as well. Everything can be healed and anything is possible.
Also, remember that just because we are grown now does not mean that we are acting our age. Our bodies and subconscious minds act from the age at which the traumatic event occurred until we change it. Once you and I create new neural pathways and new wiring and firing happens in your brain and we stock you up with new habits to encourage this new pathway’s success, you start living a new normal—automatically. Just like you do things on autopilot right now (even unhealthy habits and behaviors), you can start doing other, healthier things on autopilot, too. These become your new normal. It is not magic, but it works!
Believe me, though, as much as I love helping people transform in a swift manner, my approach is always gentle and compassionate. I will never let you go too fast if I think you need more guidance and support. But, my goal is to help you transform your life in a way that works for you and that helps you find your inner peace, abundance, self-love, and joy as fast as possible. My approach is that I give you the tools to take with you to make sure your life is of your own making. Life is too short to feel bad!
I will also be incorporating hypnotherapy into my practice soon as well. I do some of it now with some NLP, but I am going deeper. Both NLP and Hypnotherapy can create lasting change since we are working on accessing subconscious memories, beliefs, and parts that have been rooted into creating your identity for your entire life. We work more deeply at the level of that false identity and feeling states, too. I also use Parts Work in my coaching which is one of the most powerfully effective ways to help trauma survivors heal. It is nothing short of a wonderful and miraculous transformation that I want as many people as possible to have access to.
